Hello, my name is Lindsey Rochelle Crumby and I am a person who lives in fear.
There it is. I admit it.
From thoughts of everyone I love dying in car crashes every time they get behind the wheel to a fear of being eaten by a shark while scuba diving (Shark Week is most certainly not helpful in this) to the fear that every twitch or pain equals something webMD would point to as cancer to being exposed for all of my faults and failures (on something like this, for example).
It is a constant in my life. It is something I have let reign for far too long. It is faithless and irrational and embarrassing and paralyzing. But it is there. Everyday. All day.
The Lord has been gracious in allowing me to fall before him time and time again begging forgiveness for my unbelief. My unbelief that He is good. No matter what. (Even if I get eaten by a shark one day when I finally give in to scuba diving with my husband.)
So you are now in on the scoop. I am fearful and anxious and scared out of my mind about things that will most likely never ever happen. This is good. I need to you to see it. To see me for who I am and where I have been.
I have thought about writing this blog for years. In fact, I have started a few times to put pen to paper on this very site. But that means being exposed. And that, my friend, is scarier than any shark.
But this is the time for freedom. This is the time that I allow myself to live abundantly outside of fear. This is the time where I jump with boldness trusting that the Lord is good. No matter what. This is where I love without fear of loss, allow vulnerability and transparency without fear of being rejected, try new things without fear of the worst-case happening.
This is my war against the what-ifs because I am a what-if person. To my very core.
Typing this very post brings some anxiety with it. What if people think I am just striving to be a part of the blog trend and gain some attention for myself? What if I am not skilled enough in writing to communicate my thoughts? What if I just sound stupid and silly?
What if...what if...what if...
So here it is. My blog about breaking free. Choosing confidence in the One who has given me life OVER my anxiety of what this world could bring against me and those I love.
More than anything, I simply hope to document opportunities to live. Free of fear. So that one day I can look back and see time and time again the goodness of God.
