Update #2

Wedding Season:

Fun at the Nally reception

Pre-wedding pic

Sweet bridesmaids

Speech!!!!

The Bakers!!
I adore this pic my photographer husband took.

The season is upon us. That is for sure. Just this month we have been able to be a part of two different life-long friends' weddings. Both weddings have been out of town, which honestly has been both complex (in getting ready and in the right spot at the right time with all the right accessories and speeches and dresses and shoes) and an adventure. I love traveling with my husband. So the request to hop on a plane (albeit a tiny one both trips) and jet off to another city (even a humid one) with my boo is not a difficult one for me to accept with excitement.

AND it has been in the name of marriage. And godly marriage at that.

Two of the sweetest, most genuine of friends are now seeking to love as Christ does in their marriage. Even when it is hard. And they will find out it most certainly is. Even when it requires laying down their desires and needs for their spouses'. And if they do it right, they will daily. Even when jobs are lost or babies are sick or aggravation comes quickly and tears can't be held in. They will love. I know they will.

And I remember the promise I have made. To do all of those things. And to love my Stevie well. And I thank God for the opportunity to do so. And the grace to cover all the times when I don't. And always the picture of Christ and His deep and abiding and transparent love for us.

Summer Reading:

OMG. Summer is my time, y'all. I can READ in the summer. I can finish a book in a normal span of time in the summer. So, I have been. (Possibly more than I should considering I am taking THREE masters classes this session.)

My goal is a book a week (alternating between fiction and non) and so far I am doing pretty well. I will admit to being slightly behind due to travel and massive deadlines in school, but I am persevering and attempting to remind myself that this is NOT about rigid deadlines. Instead I am fixing my attention on learning and relaxing when time allows.

So here they are. The beginnings of my summer reads. Some already complete and others ready to be opened wide and munched on slowly or gobbled up in a single sitting. And I cannot wait.

Fiction and Non-Fiction stacks of summer reads

Oh. And recommendations are fully welcome. So bring on your favorite summer reads. I welcome all in these stacks.

School:

Blah. School is beyond hard overwhelming currently. Taking three classes is a good thing. I know it is. It is the only way to stay on track for graduation. But it ain't easy. And it is most certainly time consuming.

So studying and chats and reading (lots and lots of reading) and paper-writing and organizing and revising and citing take up most of my days. Not the most fun, but certainly the season we are in.

Luckily the Lord's timing is perfect. And I get to experience this season alongside Steve, who let's be honest has it way harder than I do. And Lord help me, he is ALWAYS positive about his school work. I am quick to whine and complain and wallow in how overwhelmed I am with deadlines.

And he just doesn't.

He simply goes to work (an hour--at least--each way) and does his business thing before heading either to school for class or home to study. He stays up late EVERY night only to wake up early EVERY morning. And he doesn't complain. It absolutely blows me away.

And I can just see the example the Lord has set before me in my husband and in his Word. To work. With a cheerful spirit. And integrity of heart. And without grumbling. Because work is good. We are made for work. And boy is my husband a delight to watch in this. And to learn from. God is good. Marriage is good. Work is good. And I am learning to savor each one in these not-so-hot (hallelujah!) summer days.

Marriage:

Trust. I am sitting fully in what it means and looks like to do just that right now.

Relinquishing the urge to control and force and push and manipulate. To choose to trust instead. It is both terrifying and freeing all at once. Terrifying not because Steve is not trustworthy, he most certainly is. Terrifying because I am forfeiting my need to always assume control. Terrifying to let someone else grab hold of the reigns of decision-making and guide us into foreign land.

As always in matters of the Lord's shaping and transforming, there is freedom to be had in opening my clenched fists. In allowing my husband to grab hold and do what he made a covenant five years ago to do.

Lead.

Because he values my opinions and hears my concerns and seeks wise counsel and goes the extra mile to make informed and trustworthy decisions. And he feels so respected when allowed the opportunity to do so.

It is so interesting to see how the Lord sheds light on our dark places when we ask. This is one of mine and I am humbled by what I see when I take a step back. The wife I am called to be and the marriage I am called to have is so much more than I have allowed.

So, break these bones of stubbornness. And chip away at the control I crave and hold tight. Provide opportunity to trust. For You are good. And You have provided me a trustworthy mate.

words of life

nagging: to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

And so it is.

My first inclination in a moment of discord or division.

To nag. To wear my opponent out with my reasoning.

And can I confess how absolutely positively excellent at it I am. I have honed this particular skill. Dedicated precious time into forming my all-too-important speech into a sharp and piercing and altogether aggravating weapon.

And sadly, despite (almost) 5 years of marriage to my very best friend and God-given boo, he is the recipient of such a gift. Quite often, if I am being honest. As if I am his parent instead of his partner.

And I know that I do it. And I hate that I do it.

But time and time again, it is my go-to for resolving whatever difference of opinion or idea we are having. I nag. Until (usually) he goes quiet and raises the white flag and gives in to my way.

And it isn't fair. And it isn't love. And it is most certainly not a godly portrait of a wife.

But it is real. It is there. And it is something I am warring to relinquish. Every stinkin day. For things much greater and more beautiful and uplifting and life-giving and loving and Gospel-driven than my go-to.

And there is hope. Always there is hope. Because on my own, I fail and falter and can't get it right. I am like Paul when he cries out that he knows what he should do and finds himself unable to do it. In himself. And I too have tried fixing this issue myself. I have worked to improve my words and bury my way in exchange for happier moments.

But I fail. I always end up right back where I began with all that I have hidden and buried coming to the surface with sharp and prickly words. That scratch and nick and wound the softest and most sacred places. Places when scarred, remain that way. Even after apologies are made and forgiveness granted.

But the hope of sanctification and transformation and righteous change is in the Lord. And He is faithful. And He is victorious. And He is patient. And He KNOWS our humanity.

And there is this sweet and overwhelming anticipation for the sanctification that is to come in my speech and spirit and habits and "go-to's" and on and on. There is hope.

So, I am praying. For words of life instead of death. For the inclination to love as Christ does with my speech. To avoid stubbornness and harshness to get my way and instead, in light of our most loving Savior, invite sanctification and purity into my prickly moments to love as He has loved.