[I began this on 4/4, his actual one month birthday, but #momlife.]
Today is a mark. A month's time has passed. Has flown. Has crept. It has marked not only a passage of time, but also a passage of change. In family. In life. In character.
There is this new little guy hanging around these days. He is cute. And tiny (sort of). And loud. And wiggly. And all around full of good. A new kind of good that I couldn't have anticipated. I had planned to pen his coming and all the thoughts and emotions and nerves and fears that came with it. I had planned to put into words just before and just after his coming the state of our home and hearts.
But he has swept us up. He has captivated our whole attention. And I have decided to let him. Partially because I am exhausted and focusing on him is necessary to...well, keep him alive. But mostly because I haven't wanted to expend my brain space on anything but soaking in who he is. Right now. Each day. All the sweet and all the hard. All the smiles and laughs right alongside all the tears and anxieties. Collect it all and savor it for a while. People tell you to do that,, you know? It's always part of their advice when you are expecting a new human in your home. They always say they didn't do it enough and I am just determined to not let that be my story. I want to remember well. These days. These hours. These little fingers and toes and cries and snuggles. All of it.
And today is a mark. A very special mark.
My newest boy is one month today. 31 days from when he made his arrival. And there have to be words for a day like today. To remember all that he has been to us and for us so far.
He has changed us already. There is no doubt. We have learned to do the new parents stuff: diapers, bottles, swaddles, snuggles. We have changed our routines and changed our sleep schedules. We have adapted to rotate our days around his little needs and desires. But all of that was expected. We saw it coming.
But then there is this deeper change. This inside change. The one that I'm sure is the cause of every fear for his safety and well-being and character to come. The kind of change that immediately reveals that nothing is the same. All is different because of one tiny human.
Because he is ours. Our boy. Our tiny human. He is a part of us both, not simply because he has our DNA and eyes and mouth and hair. But because the Lord has brought him here. To this house in this time with these parents. The Lord prepared us without our knowing for this little man. To be his parents.
What?!?!
He has prepared us for this Charlie boy. He has prepared us to be wife and husband in a new season of different and strange and good. This is the Lord's doing. No doubt about that.
And that is hefty. Not to be taken lightly. Responsibility in the largest sense of the word. We have been provided this tiny thing with absolutely eternal implications. He is meant for big. A work that is bigger than himself. And we, his broken and selfish parents, have a responsibility to guide him. To point him to the Lord in all things. To point each other to the Lord in all things. To not lose sight.
And there is the shift. The change. That this life is now so much more than a month ago.
And I know that there are those still waiting for such a responsibility as this. That the Lord for some eternal and infinitely wise reason is preparing parents around the globe for the time their children will fill there home. With all the crazy and good. And I haven't been able to escape the largeness of it all this month. The perfection of the Father's timing. That after 6 years of marriage, there is a new person in the mix. That after changes in homes and jobs and heartbeats and passions and so much more, the Lord saw fit to give us this dude at this time. And that is good. So very good. But it is not a mistake. It is not just so happens. It is for purpose and big. It is for Him.
And so on this one month mark it is so necessary to stop and breathe in how big this thing is. Because it is dang huge.
With the hugeness of this, I can't help but be thankful for my partner in it all. Another gift. Another purposed gift. He has stood strong when all the emotions have overcome. He has smiled and joked and cheered and encouraged in ways only he can. He has said the hard things and pushed for perseverance in the rough. He has done so many things our little family has needed in this month. And I don't have words for my heart for him. As a husband. As a daddy. As a leader of this home. I have known the Lord has been preparing my guy for such a season as this, but to watch it play out day by day, minute by minute has been a million hallelujahs. Sweet praise to the Father. I stand amazed yet again at how the Lord uses this marriage thing to preach so much to my wandering, failing heart. Even in the hard (because there is that too.) Harsh and tired words. Unmet expectations. Moments of distrust and fights for control on how to do this thing. The Lord is using it all to sanctify this family.
And so we are marked by this sweet and hard month. Marked in a new and fresh way. Marked for bigger and yet to come. Because the Lord is good. And he uses it all. In His perfect and kind timing.
And we are thankful today to be marked
