nothing is wasted.

So I am driving to school this morning (late as always) with my eyes set on the clock. Just watching the minutes move forward. Reminding me of how, yet again, I have not made the best of my morning. That my time could should have been better spent.

And this song popped up on the Pandora station I had on (chosen to adjust my state of mind from frantic to less so before actually having to speak to anyone).

"Nothing Is Wasted"

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This season has not been an easy one. It is not the season I would wish for. Not terrible by any stretch of the imagination. But not the ideal. Not where I feel I should be in this time in life.

And I have worked my way through all forms of reactions in this time. I have cried (a lot). I have talked (a lot). I have wished and dreamed and envied and prayed. And in the end, I am still here. Sitting in this season. Where little is known. Where most is hanging above my head or hiding right around the corner. Either way, just out of reach.

And finally, I have given in to the fact that this season is here to stay for a bit. Maybe even a long bit.

And the past few weeks have met me with a hard but beautiful realization about seasons.

They are a gift.

The hard. The unexpected. The ideal. The worst.

They are such a gift.

Because in this unwanted season, I have seen the unmistakable hand of the Lord. When I have looked for it, I have easily seen it. Seen Him. He is here in this mess of unknown. He is present. And He is making Himself known in this time. He is shaping my heart. And my marriage. And my perspective. And my mind. In this time. And in a way that I am not sure I would see in any other season than this.

Because my weakness is completely evident in this day. There is no escaping how miserably weak I am when things aren't just so. I may be able to avoid it when life looks how I would choose, but not in the hard. My words and reactions reflect the piercing shards of brokenness within. They slice through their paper skin covering and show themselves for what they are. Harsh and broken and shaped by a sinful and selfish spirit. The inclination to turn inward and sort it out alone. The quickness to let feeling reign supreme and rule my heart. To cut off and avoid and shut down in a measly attempt at protection.

But then there is a breath. A pause from the self-pity. There is truth. That His strength is made perfect in all of my weakness. All of it. That His righteousness covers it all and guides me toward Himself. The opportunity to find Him is not wasted in my weakness.

And I feel like this is a common thing. This unwanted season thing. This desire for something that feels more like what should be happening instead of living into what really is. I look around and see so many who are fighting for what comes next. What is around the corner. What the future holds. Far away from now and here and present.

But then there is this

nothing is wasted.

Not one thing. 

Not this time. This season. This day.

And that is just huge.

It is for good. It is for better. It is for holiness.

And so it is sacred. And of value. And to be seen through eyes of gratitude. Gratitude that we would get to lean in and experience it at all. And all that it brings. The transformation. The breaking of sinfulness for that which is better. The light that hard seasons shine on the darkest places in us. Some of which we might not have even noticed before.

I have been encouraged these past few weeks that this season is one for whole-hearted trust. It is one for complete dependence on Him. Nothing less will do. And honestly, isn't that enough? Doesn't that change absolutely everything?

Because that is the ideal. That is best. What more could I hope for in any season?

This is it. This is the time. For becoming more like Christ. Today. Now.

And so I will choose gratitude instead of complaining. Thankfulness instead of wishing. Because nothing is wasted. Not even this. Praise be to God.