dear change, who invited you?

Is it just me, or does time alone in the car provide for awakened perspective?

Confession: I am a car talker.

I talk to myself. I talk to God. I talk to imaginary people whom I need to have hard or important conversation with (because let's be honest...practicing hard conversation makes the actual conversation much easier). I use time in the car to dig into the depths of my heart and evaluate the reality of my current state. 

And I probably look like a fool to anyone driving around me. 

So, yesterday as I drove to a sweet friend's home, I worked my way through all the change currently surrounding me. And there is a lot. 

From:

friends moving out of state (and those who already have) 

to new babies promising to make their arrival in the fall 

to friends moving into their first home 

to job change that seemingly lurks around the bend 

And it is all good. But it is all change.

And I am not sentimental. Or at least in the way of things. 

But memories. That is another story. Memories are something I hold close and pray I never lose.

And so I have been letting memories wash over me and remind me of the vast and unmistakable goodness of God. That He truly has guided my steps. Toward people and circumstance to love and laugh and welcome and mourn and learn and a million other things. I am reminded that seasons, however long, are given with purpose. And boy is this current season changin'.

So with all my might, I am clinging to memories. Not because I wish they would always be and never change. But because I don't dare forget where the Lord has been and how He has moved. 

And honestly, that, in itself, is evidence of the work the Lord is doing today in the midst of my struggle. My fear. My doubt. Because change is becoming way less scary and far more beautiful (and exciting). And that, dear friends, is only because of the confidence that comes with seeing how the Lord has "established my steps" through each season of life. That His hand is present. And His hand is good.

I have started praying through a collection of Puritan prayers from a book called The Valley of the Vision. This one seems fitting this week. Pray with me?

Kept by God

Jehovah God, 

Thou creator, upholder, proprietor of all things,

I cannot escape from thy presence or control,

nor do I desire to do so.

My privilege is to be under the agency of omnipotence,

righteousness, wisdom, patience, mercy, grace.

Thou art love with more than parental affection;

I admire thy heart, adore thy wisdom,

stand in awe of thy power, abase myself before thy purity.

It is the discovery of thy goodness alone that can

banish my fear,

allure me into thy presence,

help me to bewail and confess my sins.

When I review my past guilt

and am conscious of my present unworthiness

I tremble to come to thee,

I whose foundation is in the dust,

I who have condemned thy goodness,

defied thy power,

trampled upon thy love,

rendered myself worthy of eternal death.

But my recovery cannot spring from any cause in me,

I can destroy but cannot save myself.

Yet thou hast laid help on One that is mighty,

for there is mercy with thee,

and exceeding riches in thy kindness through Jesus.

May I always feel my need of him.

Let thy restored joy be my strength;

May it keep me from lusting after the world,

bear up heart and mind in loss of comforts,

enliven me in the valley of death,

work in me the image of the heavenly,

and give me to enjoy the first fruits of spirituality,

such as angels and departed saints know.